For the longest time, I have had serious struggles with pornography addiction.
In fact, if there is any one part of my life where I felt like my prayers went completely unanswered, it is in this area.
I so sincerely wanted to achieve victory over this problem.
I prayed unceasingly as I was told to.
I purchased a variety of books on overcoming sexual addiction.
I went to men’s church gatherings specifically tailored to men struggling with this issue.
I attended more than my share of Sexaholics Anonymous meetings in both San Francisco and Tokyo (where I’m living now).
I even once achieved a period of “sobriety” (as they call it in these addiction meetings) for a solid six-month period.
But then one day, when walking by a store, my eyes caught hold of a magazine cover displaying a scantily clad female and BOOM I fell all over again.
I was a miserable human being.
I felt like such a failure and a hypocrite.
How could I consider myself a faithful disciple of Yeshua when I couldn’t even get this habit under control.
In addition to drowning in feelings of guilt and helplessness, I was completely baffled.
Why oh why in spite of all my sincere prayers and being prayed over was I not achieving victory over this?
Didn’t the Scriptures promise victory over sin?
Was I maybe possessed by demons?
I had even seriously considered getting an exorcism for this problem.
After many years of struggling and praying over this issue with no lasting results, I had practically given up.
I was just sick and tired of falling off the wagon into porno binge madness, picking myself off the ground, vowing to myself and God that I would never do it again, only to go through the whole damn cycle all over again….. and again….and again.
It seems like I’m not the only one who has struggled with this.
A survey taken at a Promise Keepers rally revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event.
Out of regular churchgoers, fifty percent of men and 20% of women say they are addicted to pornography with the most popular day of the week for viewing porn being a Sunday.
Nearly 20% of the calls received on Focus on the Family’s Pastoral Care Line are for help with pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.
And of the 1,351 pastors that Rick Warren’s website, Pastors.com, surveyed on porn use, 54% said they had viewed internet pornography within the last year and 30% of those had visited within the last 30 days.
What the hell is going on here?
Why are so many believers failing to achieve victory in this area?
Well, after much prayer, engaging in serious Scripture word study, and with the help of other resources, I feel like I finally cracked the code that enabled me to break free from this habit.
There were two keys I needed to crack this code.
The first had to do with a proper understanding of God’s Word, specifically the often quoted Matthew 5:28.
Let’s take a look at this most popular Bible verse so often used to denounce sexual sin and especially pornography.
“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”-Matthew 5:28
Before I get into the thick of my discussion, understand that Yeshua is talking about adultery here.
We’ve already gone into the Biblical definition of adultery, so you should understand that the word “woman” in this verse CANNOT and IS ABSOLUTELY NOT referring to a single female.
“Woman” here should actually be translated into “married woman”.
Alright, let’s get started.
When you hear the word “lusting”, what meaning of this word pops into your mind?
If you’re like most people, you are probably assuming “lusting” or “to lust” means “an unlawful desire for sex” or “any sexual thoughts for the opposite sex”.
I used to think the same way until I did a word study of this term and I discovered something interesting.
The Greek word used for “lusting” here is the exact same word used in the following verse.
“This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.”-1 Timothy 3:1
The Greek word for “lusting” in Matthew 5:28 and “desire” in 1 Timothy 3:1 is the EXACT SAME WORD!
What’s my point in stressing this?
My point is that the actual meaning of the Greek word (which is EPIQUMEW) used in BOTH of these verses simply means “to strongly desire”, period.
This word has zero “sexual” connotation to it, as the very same word is used as “desire” in other Bible verses.
The word is neutral.
So essentially what Yeshua is actually saying here is simply “don’t strongly desire to take another man’s wife”.
It is not about a condemnation of sexual desire (or lust) in and of itself.
There is actually good lust and bad lust depending on the object of what you’re lusting after.
So why is this important?
Because when one operates under the usual and mistaken interpretation of this verse, the instant a man feels sexual desire for a female, he mistakenly assumes he is sinning.
And this unfortunately leads to intense feelings of guilt and self-condemnation which in turn leads one to engage in self-destructive behaviors such as excessive watching of pornography or paying for sex with a prostitute.
So the first key to cracking the code is to understand that Matthew 5:28 is NOT about Yeshua condemning sexual desire for a woman.
It’s an admonition to NOT strongly desire to steal your neighbor’s wife.
What a lot of people don’t understand is that Yeshua was talking about THEFT (of one’s neighbor’s property) here, NOT lust.
The second key to cracking the code is to realize that God designed you to sexually lust after women.
That’s right.
I’m saying sexual lust is absolutely NOT a sin, it is a natural and healthy God-given desire.
Biblically speaking, I believe the negative feelings our Western culture has attached to the word “lust” are totally unfounded.
God doesn’t have a problem with eroticism, it’s the world that does.
Read the Song of Solomon if you think I’m mistaken.
Actually, to be more accurate, it’s the Christian church that has a problem with eroticism.
See, when you think something is a sin and it’s not actually a sin, what happens is that it consumes you, especially if its something that plays off of a God-given desire.
Think about somebody who represses the desire to eat the foods he or she loves.
Eventually, that person is going to crack and go on an eating binge.
Warring against your natural God-given sexual desires is a battle you cannot win because you’re attempting to fight against how God designed you.
So yeah, I believe Sexaholic’s Anonymous is totally mistaken when they label “lust” as the enemy that needs to be kept “under control”.
Like I said, I used to be a member of Sexaholics Anonymous and I can tell you that the program was based on what I now believe to be the very unhealthy repression of one’s sexual desires.
More often than not every meeting was basically a group confession where each member stood up and admitted that they had failed to keep their lust under control that week resulting in masturbation, watching pornography or paying for sex etcetera.
Well, knowing what I know now, of course they’re going to fail and they’re going to fail again and again and again because their whole way of thinking is based on the false (and I believe Satanic) premise that sexual lust is a sin.
To conclude, let’s unpack the psychology behind why having an incorrect understanding of Matthew 5:28 and God’s natural design of you keeps you enslaved to unhealthy self-destructive behaviors.
First, a normal man is designed by God to sexually lust after women.
I think pretty much most men who are reading this can testify to the truthfulness of this statement.
If you’re walking down the street and you see an attractive woman, there is nothing more good, natural, and healthy than to feel sexual desire for her.
However, if due to your misunderstanding of Matthew 5:28, you condemn this natural God-given sexual desire of yours as being sinful and of the devil, then what happens?
You feel terribly guilty and you feel like a total failure as a human being.
Heck, based on the typical BS church interpretation of Matthew 5:28, you’ve already committed adultery.
You’re now an adulterer man!
In your mind you’ve already blown it.
You’re now a failure.
Your self-identity is that of a complete loser.
And you still have this raging sexual desire inside of you.
So what does somebody who feels like a complete loser and a sinner combined with intense sexual desire do?
He doesn’t have the confidence to approach a woman to initiate a healthy intimate relationship because he feels dirty and sinful inside because of his sexual desires or lusts (which are completely normal and God-ordained).
Well, what results is a lot of what we see in the world today: full blown porno and sexual addiction
I mean a guy’s sexual energy has got to go somewhere, right?
See how Satan has so twisted Scripture to turn one’s natural God-given sexual desires into a tool to make men feel like pathetic losers and keep them enslaved to self-destructive behaviors.
Now let’s take a look at the other side of the coin.
What if you have a man who is not ashamed of his God-given sexual desires?
Hell, he’s mighty proud (and he should be) of his God-given sexual desires.
Same situation, different mindset.
What’s the result?
The result is a man who is able to confidently approach and initiate healthy relationships with women and properly channel his God-given sexual desires into great works for the kingdom.
See the mind is a very powerful thing.
If deep down inside you feel like a sinner or a loser due to some ridiculous misinterpretation of Matthew 5:28, eventually your habits and the way you live your life are going to follow suit accordingly.
And of course, the opposite is true.
Your profanity shows you still haven’t cracked the code. When you do, even your mouth would be delivered. Matthew 1:21 JESUS CHRIST came to save mankind from SIN. When you get born-again you will have cracked the code… Anything else is a lying DECEPTION…
Sorry you were offended by the light profanity used. Anyways, thanks for reading and peace.
Wooooo. I’m free! Thank goodness
The lying deception is, the doctrine that Jesus came to fix the law – to change God’s mind – and teach that the commandment against adultery and the commandment against wanting someone else’s wife were actually the same law, He just forgot to say until He came in the flesh. So many transgressors, worthy of stoning, right? – did not think it was adultery, but rather covetousness, just because Jesus hadn’t come yet. I never did buy that doctrine, it is just stupid.
Yes it is just stupid. Totally agree with you. Actually Yeshua was quoting the 10th commandment from the Septuagint. You’re right! He was talking about covetousness. I’ve got to do another post about this because so many people just don’t understand.
Profanity isn’t a sin. Using words to tare people down or using God’s name as a sware word is. And just because someone is wrong about one thing does not mean that they are wrong about another thing.
No definitions will have a way of vilifying and victimizing the innocent.
So if a kid has a wet dream, a girl loses her virginity because of a rough ride on horseback, and you have a lonely bachelor, why bother?
Now when you have posed questions that incriminate everyone, you just created a phantom menace that guarantees steady income for even more of those that exploit us with our blessing.
Excellent article! The truth is that you can appreciate the beauty of women. That is not a sin at all. The one thing Satan has accomplished and is rightly to be called his greatest achievement is to have people hear something different in their minds when they read what God plainly said. It is a mind game indeed. Once you get a correct understanding and knowledge it is more precious than rubies. It frees you from the stupidity that people and false churches have been shoveling for years!
Thanks for reading and the positive feedback! Yes, the way the church handles Matthew 5:28 actually promotes addiction rather than healing from it.
Hello, does it mean that I, as a man, can appreciate a picture of a beautiful naked woman as long as I don’t intend to steal or unlawfully use her? Cause that is not what I intend at all.
Sorry for the late reply Danjo. My main point is God created you to have sexual desire for women. It is perfectly normal. However, it’s important to control and use your sexual desire for holy purposes. In other words, restrict it to the marriage bed. Shalom.
What about the rest of the Bible? Does it not mention fornication? I agree with a lot of what you’re saying here but I think have a desire and acting in it are two separate issues. If my husband sees an attracive woman and thinks she’s attractive, yes that’s a natural instinct. However, if he thinks about having sex with her or seeing her naked, etc. this is wrong. There is a fine line where you’re giving a green light to being a pig because it’s natural and saying we no longer have that desire because it’s not dirty in our minds any longer. So if you come across an ad for porn on your infested computer do you or do you not cave into that desire?
Well, I think you are drawing a very fine line. What is the difference between seeing an attractive woman and “thinking” she’s attractive and “thinking about having sex with her or seeing her naked”. If a man sees an attractive woman, it is the most natural thing in the world for sexual desire to well up within him. My whole point is, and I think you understood and would agree, is that it is WRONG to condemn men’s natural God-given sexual desire for the opposite sex. However, what you do with that sexual desire is another matter altogether. If one’s sexual desire drives one to commit sexual immorality (as defined in the Scriptures) such as adultery, then of course, that is clearly wrong. Also I don’t agree with the notion that one’s thought life is the same as actually committing that act. If I think about killing somebody and don’t end up doing it, I will not be condemned by God. But if I think about killing somebody and I actually do it, I will be condemned by God. The Lord would not have cursed Cain for killing his brother Abel if all Cain did was just think about it. Thanks for reading.
But if we are yoked with Christ and we have renewed our minds and we carry the fruits of the spirit would the though life be different. No, we are not perfect. However, would put renewed mind keep us from thinking those thoughts. I mean, I never thought about my body being objectified until I was exposed to it. Suddenly I see pictures of naked women everywhere. Every sho I watch has to stick in an unnecessary sex scene. When it’s in our face we become desensitized. We are no longer Christ minded but world minded. Its the point to be in the world and not if it. Most people don’t go around killing people they think of killing but we should be set apart. Our minds should be overflowing with love and mercy. Why would we even contemplate such things. If I can’t get away from sex scenes in tv, I stop watching it. The point is to be constant living in the spirit and not shaming Him. No?
Rhianna, I agree. I wouldn’t disagree with one word you wrote, not one. The sad situation you described of “pictures of naked women everywhere” etcetera, is nothing less than idolatry, plain and simple. It is making out “sex” and the “female body” to be objects of worship. That is not really what I was talking about. I think it is important to make a distinction between worshipping sex (making sex out to be the most important thing in your life) and the natural God-given sexual desires all men (and women) have. Because of a misinterpretation of Matthew 5:28, many men condemn themselves for their own natural, God-given sexual desires and this leads to unnecessary guilt and feelings of self-loathing, which if left unchecked will in some extreme cases drive men to commit acts of sexual deviancy. You closed your comment by saying “The point is to be constant living in the spirit and not shaming Him. No?” I totally agree. We are not to make “sex” or the “female body” or any other thing like “money” or “societal status” out to be idols. Our focus should be on the Lord our God who took us out of Egypt. Having said all that, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with sex, money, or holding a certain position in society, it’s whether you make it out to be an idol or not. Shalom.
I can’t believe you haven’t read that thinking about killing someone is a sin. its right there.
I’m not sure what you’re implying but for example, the other day I wanted to kill one of my co-workers, however, I didn’t act on that unsinful desire. Now let’s say, I did act on that desire and did bury an ax in his head. Do you really think there’s no difference between “thinking about it” and “doing it”?
it can be tempting to justify our soulish desires. sanctification is a real thing. if our souls cannot come under the authority of the Father, man rules himself and not the other way around. it involves making different and difficult choices at times to walk that out. the less the sin “has you”, the easier it gets. living in bondage is not why Yeshua died and was resurrected. what you describe above is not freedom. the New Testament should be read with grace as a higher standard, not a lower one.
Thanks for sharing Smiling Sanders. I don’t know how else to explain myself or articulate my struggles better than I have in this post. So I’ll just respond by saying thank you for reading, thank you for your supportive comment and may the Lord richly bless you. Shalom.
I agree with you.Epythumeo is not sexual conotation.But my wife doesn’t agree with that.Most women just think that if their spouse using porn for masturbating,then the spouse is more attracted to the porn object than her.This leads to disharmony even divorce in families.
Is it possible that God made this “natural sin-free desire” that leads to disputes and divorce in families?We know that God hates divorce.
If your theory is correct.Then,it means that most women are selfish for not undestanding their spouse nature.But if selfish is their nature .So “natural selfish” woman and “natural desirous” man conflicts each other.I don’t think God will be pleased with that.
I think if you love your wife,then a husband should sacrifice his pleasure.I know that I should sacrifice,but i don’t know how to.Because refrain watching porn is one of the most difficult task for me, and i feel that no one,even God, can and will help me with that.(maybe God helps me,but i don’t feel it even just a bit)
Amen brother! So tired of people’s misinterpretation of this scripture. How cruel would our God be if he put these strong desires in men and then expected them to do the impossible, which is to never think about another individual sexually? It’s literally impossible. God made those desires strong for a reason.
Thanks for your comment Larai. I’m glad you resonated with this. Be blessed and Shalom!
there is a huge jump from appreciation of a woman’s beauty and sexual desire of her and pornography. pornography is watching fornication, fornication is clearly a sin. so pleasure from watching other people sin is always going to be a sin, without even adding in that those you watching are possibly underage and likely unaware the the harm they are doing to themselves. also the actor are possibly married- so it is adultery. or possible being filmed without consent.
then if you jump into modern porn sites – you can find real snuff porn and cruelty porn and rape porn made by actually raping and beatiality porn and all manner of filth right there for all to see and anyone to upload and it is free, there is just no justification for watching porn.
perhaps sexual desire is natural and whether you masterbate or not is between you and God (personal i think it leads to dissatisfaction and lust and may be a sin), but if only watching porn enables you to masterbate, then that is the devil. period.
watching some poor confused 18 year old get pounded by an older man with a huge member is never ever ever a Godly thing to to do.
who do you think makes porn? the mentally sound? the wealthy? no–it takes advantage of the poor and the abused and the demon possessed and sometime children aged 16 who lie about their age. porn is a sin, sexual desire is normal and can be Godly — but porn is of the satan.
Could there be a difference between erotica and pornography? If so, where would we draw the line? The idea is that erotica pertains to sexual matters (from the Greek word eros) whereas pornography pertains to depiction of illicit acts (from the Greek word porneia). Would pleasuring oneself to a nude picture be lustful porn or could it be sanctified erotica to appreciate God’s creation?
Look at the sin of On & look into why a man is called unclean when he has ejaculate.
Seed / Semen is a Holy thing for procreation…… A man or woman becomes unclean because the life potential of each swimmer is not realised and DEATH occurs to thousands of unsuccessful swimmers when they share in the sex act even if the ovum is fertilised.
No other healthy cells in the living body makes a person defiled except for menstrual blood with the ovum & ejaculate with the semen.
When potential for Life is expunged and death enters in, Abba creates distance for Holiness to be maintained for our safety.
Maybe ponder on the HOLINESS of the Ovum and the Semen seed from God and see why sexual relations ARE SUCH A HOLY PART of our COVENANT with God and why sexual sin is against your own body.
We are to be a Holy People set apart from the Worlds Ways. You have tasted and seen death in pornography like so many of us. A sticky trap using our bodies against us.
Perhaps you are just like most of us blaming God for desires that are not good. I can do all things but not ALL things are good for me.
Have the thought life of not guarding the heart & receive the physical reality. Or resist the world the flesh and the devil in the ongoing battle to overcome it by trusting Abba to bring you through. Discuss this with a deliverance ministery….you may be surprised at what powers and authorities are at work against us.
Out of the heart proceed the matters of life.
I would suggest that you read Paul about how to satisfy and not burn with sexual desire. He suggests marriage for those who are not gifted by God to be able to control their sexual response. Ultimately it is a sexual response that is ruling you and you are a slave to it if you masturbate. Masturbation is not the biblical option & is still not safe sex as far as I understand the bible guidance.
Be blessed in your endeavours to acknowledge the desire but not fall victim to it as a stimulation to go ahead and follow through on it.
It is possible to deny self just as Yeshua did but it may take a lot more investigtion as to source of the lack of self control in your desire to serve Abba.
Also have you ever heard of CJ LEWIS RATS in the Cellar analogy about who we actually are in Christ?
Thankyou and YHVH bless you for sharing and may we wash our garments by faith. Even the tough hard to get rid of stains.
Thanks for your comment. Agreed but man oh man, easier said than done. This has been the struggle of my life…and I think most other men as well. In fact, most men just give up and fall back on the secular narrative that says masturbation is just a “normal and healthy release” for men. Thanks again for sharing. Be blessed and SHALOM!
Blessings to you. Thank you for your thoughtful response. May Abba finish what He started in you brother. Shalom
Just new to this post. Onan’s sin in scripture was not due to him spilling his seed on the ground because his seed was “Holly“. It was because he disobeyed YHVH directive to father his dead brothers family line through the widow. It was disobedience to YHVH directive not his “holy seed“. Catholics have use that Onan example for years to disallow healthy birth control.
So it is OK if I enjoy a picture of a beautiful naked woman?
Given I don’t think about wanting to steal her or enticing her to have sex with me
One thing to remember. At one time the English word lust meant desire of any kind, a meaning it still carries in German. The application to sexual desire is only a recent development
Great point!
You might want to explore how St. Augustine’s views on sexuality warped the Christian community. Before his conversion, he was very promiscuous. After his conversion, he was unable to develop a proper understanding of sex and viewed it as evil or only to be allowed for reproduction.
2 Peter 2:14 is an interesting text
FILLED AND LED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT OF TORAH TRUTH! OVERCOME LUST OF THE EYES AND FLESH!
I am amazed by reading your discovery of the truth of Matthew 5:28
Jesus has been addressing the issues of sin as per the Torah Laws. He addressed the transgressions of the Law at the conception level. He ammended or pounded that actions of sins are committed at the conception level before the physical actual action.
The sin of Adultery is not Fornication and you have correctly identified that. Praise God for this revelation. There are various biblical names in the Torah that legislated against various sexual immoralities and one of which is idol worship and temple prostitutions.
Our natural sexual desires are not sin but it is sin when we covet a woman or man in an addictive or lustful manner. Both Adultery and fornication is sin. You have ignored that fornication is sin. Our desires when it becomes addictive or obsessive, it is a pyschological or mental enslavement. That is what causes us to sin before God.
That is why we commanded by Christ to be baptised into his death and be renewed in the mind daily or hourly. The Holy Spirit of Truth illuminates our mind with the Torah Truth and wipes the dusts that tries to settle in our minds so that we do not sin against God in our thoughts or mind.
The natural and carnal christian cannot easily overcome this problem of lust but a spirit filled and led Christian can overcome it.
Galatians 5 (KJV)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
¹⁶ This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
¹⁷ For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
¹⁸ But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
…
²⁴ And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
²⁵ If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Man I thank God so much for your testimony on this. What’s crazy is that back in 2019 when I started taking Jesus and reading His word seriously and I came across Matthew 5:28 I found myself questioning whether masturbation was a sin. My dad always told me no and that fornication wasn’t either but then on social media a lot of Christians twisted this verse to mean all women instead of married women. Since I trusted my dad I agreed with him and i used to tell people that it’s talking about married women since the verse is about adultery though no one believed me, I was only saying it to justify me continuing to masturbate at that time. Around fall 2020, I started accepting the misinterpretation and kept me bound still.
I love how you said in one of your comments that the woman body and sex are not to be objects of worship. I never thought of it like that since I later accepted the misinterpretation of Matthew 5:28 to mean that sexual attraction or desire itself is evil. But after I prayed to God and renounced idolatry of the woman body and asked the Holy Spirit to direct my attraction towards Him, His glory and my fiancée and to keep my attraction to other females within respectable limits, I felt everything shift when I opened my eyes.
It felt like I stepped into reality and I can now see females for what they really are instead of idolizing the sexual parts of the female body. So yeah I really believe this is the problem idolatry. Whenever our desire for sex or admiration to females becomes more important than our desire and admiration for God it becomes an idol. Then it drives us to watch porn,masturbate, Fornicate or commit adultery and as a result sacrificing our seed/semen to idols just as children and other sacrifices were made to idols and false gods.
God bless you!
Amen Brian!
Thanks for this awesome testimonial.
So happy the Lord gave you freedom and clarity in this area…
An area that confuses and enslaves so many people due to misinterpretations being foisted on the minds of men.
Blessings and shalom!
That is a perspective I hadn’t considered. Thankyou. As ejaculate & menstruation both have something in common both make a person unclean.
Not sure if birth control was in the “go forth & multiply” command & the night emission translation appears to be a wet dream out of the conscious control. So I am not quite on the same page with you in that.
Not RC either. Blessings.
Not quite sure what you mean in your comment about birth control.
Thanks for reading anyway.
Be blessed!