D22-14: The Dire Consequences Of A Woman NOT Being A Virgin Upon Her Betrothal In Ancient Israel

The first case we’re presented with is that of a woman who is accused by her husband of NOT being a virgin before she married him.

Actually, to be more specific, he is accusing her of having sex with another man BEFORE they were even engaged.

Now from our modern perspective, we’re probably all thinking what in the heck is the big deal here?!

In fact, in our “sexually liberated” day and age, a girl who hasn’t lost her virginity before marriage will probably be seen as quite backward and prudish.

Such a girl (and guy as well) would be looked down on and seen as a bit strange or abnormal.

In fact, I remember in my college days, that if you were a dude, it was downright embarrassing as all hell to admit you were a virgin (if you really were one).

Heck, I used to lie about being a virgin in the days of my youth lest I be seen as someone who was less than a man.

Yup, I’m telling you the peer pressure was that intense.

That’s why a lot of adult virgins today keep their virginity a secret or lie about it.

However, in ancient Israelite society, the trend of social expectations and peer pressure in this area was the complete and total opposite.

A woman who wasn’t a virgin was considered damaged goods.

Big time.

The situation we’re dealing with from verse 13 is that of a man who marries a young woman and then decides he just doesn’t want her anymore.

I lot of Bibles will say he “hates” her.

Using the word “hate” is kind of misleading here because it is NOT referring to a sudden raging emotional dislike for his new wife.

It simply means he rejects her for some reason or another.

Here’s the thing.

Since the Law only permits divorce under very narrow circumstances, if the husband is going to come up with an acceptable reason to get rid of his wife, he has to make sure it is legit per the Torah.

And one perfectly legitimate reason is if his wife is NOT a virgin.

Again, understand that in those days, if the husband publicly accused his wife of not being a virgin, the social consequences were tremendous.

Not only would the wife lose honor but her whole family would be held in disgrace.

So what was the standard cultural solution to this problem?

We’re told the following.

“then the girl’s father and mother are to take the evidence of the girl’s virginity to the leaders of the town at the gate.  The girl’s father will say to the leaders, ‘I let my daughter marry this man, but he hates her, so he has brought false charges that he didn’t find evidence of her virginity; yet here is the evidence of my daughter’s virginity’ — and they will lay the cloth before the town leaders.”

We’re told the case has been brought to the city’s elders located at the gate.

It is there that the mother and father submit the evidence of the girl’s virginity to the leaders of the town.

Just a quick incidental side note here.

The main entry gates of a city (provided it was a walled city), was where the judgement of civil cases usually took place.

The town’s main courtyard was located right next to the gates.

Not only court cases, but other significant events also took place in this space such as marriage ceremonies and business meetings.

The area was also patrolled by law enforcement officials who from time to time would stop and question a suspicious-looking stranger.

In the case of a husband accusing his wife of being unchaste, the point is that the proceedings were to be conducted in an area where everything would be publicly witnessed.

The husband points toward his wife and publicly announces… 

…”I married this woman, but when I had intercourse with her I did not find evidence that she was a virgin“.

In response, the father points his finger at the scoundrel who just accused his daughter and shouts out…

“I gave my beloved daughter to this man and he has rejected her FOR NO GOOD REASON!”

After that, the father and mother submitted the “marriage cloth” which served as evidence of their daughter’s virginity.

Again, I think it is quite difficult for us modern folks to understand just how serious this matter really was in those days.

Listen, in those days, if a girl was found to have had sex with another man before her betrothal, she would be stoned to death.

And the father would be terribly disgraced because it was his Godly duty to protect her until he turned his authority over her to another man.

This black stain on the family would literally last for generations.

In addition, the father would have to pay back the “bride price” he had received from the husband for his daughter.

This was a HUGE sum of cash in those days and could be a serious blow to the family finances.

If the husband was actually found to be telling the truth when he accused his fiancee of not being a virgin, he would certainly want his money back.

Not only because he had been defrauded but he would need that money to get another wife…

…and having been stung once already, I’m pretty sure he would be extra careful to make sure his to-be next wife was a virgin before once again entering into the engagement process.