You know, something struck me recently.
There’s a new kind of idolatry that has crept into the believing community.
What do I mean?
I’m talking about the tendency to put men who are married with kids on a pedestal, as if they’re the ultimate mark of righteousness.
You can see it play out in the “wanted ads” of churches looking for pastors.
Time and time again, one of the non-negotiable requirements is that the pastor must be married and have children.
Curious about this, I dug around online and found some forum posts that prove this trend is very real.
“Here in Brazil, some evangelical churches only let you become a pastor if you’re married; it isn’t that common, but it can happen.”
“Young men are pressed very early in life to pursue a partner and wife. It’s not just presented as normal; it’s a responsibility. Find wife, have kids.”
“Young men who are socially active in their churches and fulfilling the role of “proper young man” are more likely to be targeted for mentorship and encouraged to become pastors, and given actual roles. The churches want someone relatable and respectable, so they are going to go with the guy who is married because the majority of the congregation is married.”
And here’s another interesting anecdote I came across:
“A pastor can also find themselves without a job after a divorce. I know a man who was a great pastor but whose wife chose a dark path and walked away from the marriage. He was not broken, but no church wanted him in their employment anymore. He ended up working in sales to churches, so he could support his children, whom his wife had abandoned.”
Even females are targeted as well:
“It’s treated way, way worse than a season, especially if you are female. Once you get to my age (mid-30’s), saying you’ve never dated or have been married, you’re a social pariah even within the church communities.”
Why all this prejudice?
I think the church is scared that the single guy, without a wife to “handle” his desires, will just spend his free time binging on porn or sneaking off to erotic massage parlors or something.
What a bunch of boooooooooooooooooool sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
Sexually addictive behavior ain’t restricted to just single men!
In fact, the research says the opposite.
The vast majority of men who pay for sex are, in fact, married dudes.
That’s right, homies.
Statistically speaking, between 50%–70% of men who purchase sex are married.
And it has nothing to do with lack of access to sex.
These men seek novelty, variety, or a form of escape, while others mention dissatisfaction, stress, or emotional disconnection at home.
When escorts or other working girls are surveyed, the consistent theme that emerges again and again is…
“Married men are often repeat customers…while single men usually only visit once or occasionally.
So while not all my clients are married, most are.”
But who cares how the pagan world freakin’ thinks or behaves!
My point is that holding up married men with kids as the ultimate model of righteousness and the only ones fit to serve in the congregation just doesn’t square with Scripture, aside from a few New Testament verses (which ain’t Scripture anyway) about bishops needing one wife, blah blah blah.
The truth is, marriage and kids limit what you can do in terms of ministry.
You can’t be a loving husband and an involved dad, then suddenly drop your family when God comes knocking on your door.
Actually, come to think of it, that’s exactly what the apostles did.
“We have left everything to follow you!
What then will there be for us?”
-Matthew 19:27
Anyway, my point is that if you’re a married man with kids, and you choose the path of ministry, you’ve gotta accept there are gonna be serious limits on what you can do.
A single dude like me doesn’t have those limits.
And no, I ain’t binging on porn every free minute I get (though I’m not completely innocent in this area either).
In fact, during my blogging journey through the Scriptures, I’ve gone two or three months at a time without any sexual release at all!
Seriously, I’d put members of the so-called No-Fap movement to shame without even really trying.
That’s how powerful God’s Word is!
But again, I couldn’t care less about the heathen world.
My point is that it’s ridiculous to treat married men with kids as paragons of righteousness we’re all supposed to emulate….
Especially when you consider that Yeshua himself was single and the one we are all meant to model ourselves after.
The Apostle Paul cautioned us in this area as well.
He warned anyone thinking about being a leader in God’s Kingdom that it’s probably best to stay single, especially if your calling comes with a shaky or uncertain life.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not saying and nor do the Scriptures say, you can’t have a family and go into full-time ministry.
What I am saying is this:
If you’re a married dude with kids, think long and hard before committing to ministry, man.
Because one will definitely affect the other.
And to tie everything back to David, he probably never imagined that being God’s chosen leader would mean having to accept the death of one of his own children.
While his response to Absalom’s death was misplaced, sure, we should feel some sympathy for him.
But also remember this story is a sober reminder that there are times when you CANNOT place family first when it conflicts with the Lord’s Will and His commands.
Ya feel me?
CONNECTING THIS TEACHING TO THE NEW TESTAMENT
“Now to the unmarried
and the widows I say:
It is good for them to stay
unmarried, as I do.”
-1 Corinthians 7:8
“I would like you to be free from concern.
An unmarried man is concerned
about the Lord’s affairs
—how he can please the Lord.
But a married man is concerned
about the affairs of this world
—how he can please his wife—
and his interests are divided.
An unmarried woman or virgin
is concerned about the Lord’s affairs:
Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord
in both body and spirit.
But a married woman is concerned
about the affairs of this world
—how she can please her husband.
I am saying this for your own good,
not to restrict you,
but that you may live in a right way
in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
-1 Corinthians 7:32-35
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