“When they told David, ‘Uriyah didn’t go down to his house,’ David said to Uriyah, ‘Haven’t you just arrived from a journey? Why didn’t you go down to your house?’ Uriyah answered David, ‘The ark, Isra’el and Y’hudah stay in tents; and my lord Yo’av and the servants of my lord are camping in the countryside. So should I go into my house to eat and drink and go to bed with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!'”-2 Samuel 11:10-11
I’ve got a confession to make.
There’s one kind of person in this world who makes me uncomfortable:
A righteous person.
Someone who seems to have lived an almost perfect life—from a Torah perspective—as impossible as that may sound.
You know the type I’m talking about.
The one who probably never had sex before marriage…
Has a beautiful family…
And is a respected, upstanding member of society.
That person who’s checked off all the boxes the world says you need to tick to be considered “good” or “worthy.”
Why do they make me feel uncomfortable?
Because next to them, I feel like such a loser.
I come from a broken family…
Was emotionally abused as a kid…
Got hooked on porn and sexual addiction—especially during the years when my hormones were raging…
And I’ve never been able to build an emotionally intimate, healthy relationship with a woman in my entire life.
So when I see someone who seems to have it all together…
Especially in the areas of marriage and family…
These overwhelming feelings start to rise – jealousy, anger – and before I know it, they twist into something darker:
Hate for the righteous person.
I bring this up because I can kind of understand how David must’ve felt when he asked Uriyah why he didn’t go home—and Uriyah replied:
“The Ark, Israel, and Judah are staying in tents. My master Yo’av and the king’s men are camped out in the open fields. So should I go home to eat, drink, and sleep with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!”
Imagine how David’s conscience must’ve been pricked hearing that.
Such loyalty.
Such honor.
Uriyah was thinking about his fellow soldiers…
And the holiness of the Ark.
The contrast between the two men couldn’t be more obvious.
Uriyah couldn’t bring himself to enjoy home or be with his wife while Israel was at war.
And where was David?
Kicking back in comfort…
Not just enjoying his many wives…
But now going after another man’s wife…
A soldier’s wife…
Uriyah’s wife.
The guilt must’ve cut deep.
So deep it turned into something darker.
It turned into rage.
Then hate.
And in the end… murder.
The takeaway here is clear.
Don’t compare yourself to the righteous person.
They came from a different background.
They grew up under different circumstances.
They’re walking a different path…
They’re a different person, homie!
And that’s okay.
Because God’s not trying to copy and paste someone else’s story onto your life.
He’s writing something unique with your pain… your mess… your history.
The very tragedies you’ve lived through—the stuff that made you feel like a loser—can become the birthplace of a triumph no one else on earth could ever replicate.
That’s how God works.
He doesn’t just forgive broken people.
He uses them.
So wherever possible…
Don’t hate the righteous person.
Learn from them.
And trust that God is still doing something powerful through your story too.
Ya feel me?
The Bible doesn’t have much if anything to say about how a person’s early environment and influences shaped that person into what they became as an adult. We’re told that all have sinned and fallen short, but also that some are “righteous” and others are “sinners”. Jesus said he came not to call the “righteous”, but rather “sinners” to repentance. Some of these “righteous” folk profess a faith of some kind, but others are agnostics or atheists. Many would say they don’t need God, they are good, decent people, and that if you think you need God to be a good, decent person you are weak and religion is your crutch. I have come to believe that those truly called mainly come from compromised backgrounds and may or may not have had any previous religious training, inclination or even interest. Early childhood abuse is definitely a factor, possibly the most important factor. But many who were abused in childhood became bitter and vindictive, and never forgave abusive parents and/or others who heaped on more abuse. So you have to have a forgiving spirit or God can’t use you. Most who go looking for God don’t find Him, what they find instead is a “god” who suits them, generally a god with minimal requirements, hence the faith alone/no works/once saved always saved road to salvation. Bottom line, I believe God mainly, truly calls those who were abused and brought down by the world, may or may not have had religious leanings, had an inherently forgiving spirit, were not overly wise in their own eyes and were willing to be taught things which the world regards as foolishness. However you can be forgiving yet retain some bitterness about whatever happened to you. I have a friend who was abused but he completely forgave his parents by his own power, and as a result feels no real need of God in his life. So you can be completely unforgiving or too forgiving, in either case God can’t use you because He sees you have no need or use of Him. He’s looking for cripples.
Hey Cory,
Thanks for your comment. I found it comforting. And I think I’m gonna read it again.
For the record, I have completely forgiven my abuser. In fact, I sometimes pray for her soul and salvation.
But just because I have forgiven her does not mean I have to go back into a relationship with her (talking about my mother here)…
And be exposed to all of the bitterness, anger, and hatred she has towards my father…
She sunk her emotional claws into my soul and I’m still suffering from the wounds…
Blessed be God who has freed me.
Thank you again for your comment.