1S1-12: Why God Never Gave Me A Wife And Kids

“So Hannah got up after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. ‘Eli the cohen was sitting on his seat by the doorpost of the temple of Adonai. In deep depression she prayed to Adonai and cried.  Then she took a vow; she said, ‘Adonai-Tzva’ot, if you will notice how humiliated your servant is, if you will remember me and not forget your servant but will give your servant a male child, then I will give him to Adonai for as long as he lives; and no razor will ever come on his head.'”-1 Samuel 1:9-11

I’ve never married nor had any children.

And at this stage in my life (I’m 53 years old now), I’m fine with that.

I’ve begun to accept that for whatever reason the Lord has different plans for my life that are contrary to the way of most folks.

However, I’ll tell you with brutal honesty there was a time in my life when I was so torn up about being a single man in my middle age.

I had such a severe inferiority complex about it.

I felt like everybody around me viewed me as a pathetic loser who didn’t have what it takes to get a woman.

I was terrified to go to social events and meet couples with their kids because I felt like they’d look down on me…

I’d feel so outta place and yeah I betcha they did look down on me and inside scorned me for being a loser.

Plus going to worship services at churches or Messianic Congregations was the freakin’ worse man!

Because let’s face it, churches and synagogues practically worship married couples with children.

Because they’re held up as the ideal standard every man and woman should strive to live to up to.

So why am I being so vulnerable and sharing all of this with you?

Because I can really empathize with Hannah’s feelings of humiliation and depression in not being able to have children.

I mean you can just feel the aching and agonizing pain in her voice as she cried out to God in prayer begging Him to open up her womb and give her a child, just one child, so she could feel like a normal woman in society and not feel so scorned all the time.

Keep in mind, she didn’t come to God in prayer to fix some biological problem that was preventing her from giving birth…

Or to overcome some attack by the devil or something…

Her primary motive, the main reason for her prayer was to be released from the intense humiliation she felt whenever she stepped out into society as a childless wife…

And the scorn she was getting from P’ninah.

So we’re told after the family had finished eating their festival meal, Hannah walked over to the Sanctuary Tent and immediately began sobbing out loud to God in prayer.

Of course, this immediately caught the attention of Eli the High Priest who was sitting in his chair.

Incidentally, I should mention in those days a chair was something reserved only for high ranking persons of great honor.

The common people normally sat on the ground or a rock.

Anyways, back to Hannah.

As I was saying, she was balling her eyes out begging God to give her a child.

And again, the reason why had NOTHING to do with anyone but HERSELF.

So yes, I think you could say on one level she was being quite selfish.

It’s not like her husband Elkanah needed any children.

His other wife P’ninah had already provided him plenty of kids including a son who would become his heir in the future.

So it wasn’t like Hannah giving birth to a son would solve some kind of family or inheritance problem.

Rather as I already explained, it was considered a woman’s basic purpose in life to bear children.

It all came down to societal humiliation…period.

And I know I’m repeating myself but I can relate to Hannah.

I too have said similar prayers to God out of desperation just begging Him to give me a wife so I could mate with her and have kids…

And feel like a whole, normal person in society.

But here’s the thing…

That was the only reason why I wanted to get married and have kids…

It’s not like I REALLY wanted to get married and have kids out of some deep heartfelt desire for companionship and wanting to have a family to go home to every evening after work.

Because I LOOOOOVE being alone and doing whatever I want whenever I want…

And eating whatever I want whenever I want…

My only motive for marriage was simply because I felt inferior in society.

That was the only reason.

Ain’t that pathetic?

I think maybe that’s the reason why God never answered my prayers in this area…

Because He knew deep, deep down inside my heart I didn’t really wanna get married and have kids.

I probably didn’t have the temperament for it either…because I’m too much of a wild tiger who likes to roam the jungle free and unhindered.

And if the truth be told, I betcha a good number of couples who get married and have kids do so NOT because they want to…

But simply because of social pressure…though they’ll never admit it.

Although I do think it explains the ridiculous over 50% skyrocketing divorce rate in the United States.

Honestly, now that I’ve overcome my complex in this area, when I look at married men with kids now, I swear to God, it seems like a freakin’ nightmare man!!!

A nightmare that goes on and on and on and on for years and years and years!!!

No free time for yourself to have fun or even pursue spiritual pursuits.

And having to spend all your hard-earned money to take care of your kids and meet the needs of some nagging wife…

I’ll tell you right now this blog wouldn’t exist if I was tied down with some wife and kids.

Ya feel me homies?

Anyways, back to Hannah…

So we’re told she made a deal with the Lord in the form of a vow.

She told God that if she would just give her a son, she would dedicate him to work in the Sanctuary for his entire life.

To be clear, when Hannah said she would dedicate her son to God, she didn’t mean it in some figurative or spiritual sense (like what happens at baby dedications)...

She meant it PHYSICALLY and LITERALLY…

Which means after Hannah finished weaning the child, she would turn her boy over to the priesthood of Israel to be in service to YAHWEH forever.

Alrighty homies, that does it for today.

We’ll continue on with this the next time we meet.

CONNECTING THIS TEACHING TO THE NEW TESTAMENT

“What I want is for you
to be free of concern.
An unmarried man
concerns himself
with the Lord’s affairs,
with how to please the Lord;
but the married man
concerns himself
with the world’s affairs,
with how to please his wife;
and he finds himself split.
Likewise the woman who
is no longer married or the girl
who has never been married
concerns herself with
the Lord’s affairs,
with how to be holy both
physically and spiritually;
but the married woman concerns
herself with the world’s affairs,
with how to please her husband.”
-1 Corinthians 7:32-34

“But if a man has firmly
made up his mind,
being under no compulsion
but having complete
control over his will,
if he has decided within himself
to keep his fiancée a virgin,
he will be doing well.
So the man who marries
his fiancée will do well,
and the man who doesn’t
marry will do better.”
-1 Corinthians 7:37-38

“But I wish everyone
were single, just as I am.
Yet each person has
a special gift from God,
of one kind or another.”
-1 Corinthians 7:7

P.S. I used to be terrified at 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 in my 20’s, 30’s and even 40’s.  It’s like I feared that someday those verses would apply to me and I never wanted them to.  But now as I finally begin to accept what looks like is going to be my single state forever, this chapter which I once so feared is slowly but surely transforming into a blessing.